Entries Tagged as ‘Philadelphia’

August 22, 2008

Philadelphia Zoo Unveils Newest Attraction: Walrus Imitates Andy Reid!

(photo via Scoop Ketchems, AP)

Just in time for the start of the 2008-09 football season, the Philadelphia Zoo plans to unveil it’s newest attraction, an Andy Reid impersonating walrus. Now before you go calling the SPCA, you must realize that this is not your ordinary case of animal exploitation. One day, [...]

August 22, 2008

BREAKING: Among Ads For Transvestite Sex & Condos, Philadelphia Weekly Has 17 Pages Of Content

In a move that may mark a change in the Philadelphia alternative-weekly scene, Philadelphia Weekly, one of the two alt-weekly newspapers distributed in the Philadelphia area, set a record with their latest issue by placing 17 pages of original content in the 88 page paper.
PW editor Tim Whitaker says the 19 percent of original content [...]

August 21, 2008

U.S./Russia/Georgia Conflict Prompts Video Rentals of Rocky IV to Jump 200%

Gathered consumer data from both NetFlix and Blockbuster Online Video Rental outlets shows the rental of the 1985 Cold War classic, Rocky IV, has increased almost 200% in light of recent world developments. The movie depicts fictitious Philadelphia boxer, Rocky Balboa’s attempt to avenge the death of his former opponent and current best friend, [...]

August 20, 2008

Councilmen Hope To Ban "Talking," Everything Else, In Cars

If two City Council members have their way, motorists in Philadelphia will have to drastically change their habits in their cars as they will be prohibited from doing anything that isn’t strictly “driving related” such as talking, changing the radio station or adjusting the temperature in the car.
Philadelphia City Council members Bill Orange and Bill [...]

August 19, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Tell All Book says, "Merrill Reese is a Hand-Puppet."

A newly published book that focuses on exposing the secrets of local sportscasters has hit national store shelves. Play by Play: Philly Commentators Exposed is a blistering literary attack on some of the most famous Philadelphia sports personalities, including the Eagles’ own Merrill Reese. According to author Tabor Jansens, Reese is in [...]

August 14, 2008

Consumer Product Recall

The Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Co. has issued a massive recall of 3 products for the city of Philadelphia, focusing on purchases made at local Super Fresh and Acme stores within the past 24 hours. The products are as follows:
Topps Ground Beef Patties (10oz) – serial #18897-3845 and product code 177.
JonJon’s Scrapple [...]

August 12, 2008

Local Scientist Discovers/Isolates "Wooder" Gland

A local scientist has documented an undiscovered gland specific to mouths of persons living in and around the Philadelphia area. This extra growth can be found in the back of the throat and is shown to be the key contributing factor in their mis-pronunciation of the word “water.”
Sheena E. Stone, head of Otolaryngology [...]

August 11, 2008

Following Success of Juan Samuel Night, Phils Announce Plan to Honor Steve Jeltz, Others

Friday night the Phillies welcomed the 30th player into their Wall of Fame when Juan Samuel joined the likes of Mike Schmidt, Steve Carlton and Tony Taylor in having his likelihood enshrined in Citizen Bank Park’s centerfield. The success of the night has caused the team to rethink their previous initiative of honoring great Phillies [...]

August 8, 2008

Camden Mayor Says City About To Turn Corner … No Seriously This Time

At a press conference outside of the historic RCA Building, which has been undergoing renovations for over five years, Camden, New Jersey Mayor Gwendolyn Faison said the city is about to turn the corner and eventually return its the glory days of the early 20th Century. Repeatedly during the press conference Faison asked reporters to [...]

August 8, 2008

Marine Returns From Iraq, Immediately Returns to Iraq

The Iraq War began on March 20, 2003 and has lead to 4,134 U.S. casualties. There are daily kidnappings, bombings, and bloodshed on every corner. But don’t tell that to U.S. Marine Donald Ginslow. He recently completed his third tour of duty in the Middle East and returned to his West Philadelphia [...]